Being Free with 'The Four Agreements'.

The outside world, since time immemorial, has a significant impact on how we live our lives. After we are born, society teaches us how to live life. It teaches us how to behave in society: What is good and what is bad; what is beautiful and what is ugly; what is acceptable and what is not. As children, we never had the opportunity to choose our beliefs. We agreed to all the information that was passed to us.

Don Miguel Ruiz, the writer of this book, calls this "The process of domestication of Humans." Children are domesticated in the same way as we domesticate our dogs or cats. What do we do to domesticate our pets? We punish it and give it rewards. As children, when we went against any rules, we used to get punished and if we abide by those rules we got prizes.

As a result, soon we developed a need to hook other's attention (look, mama, I have done this, look papa I have done this) in order to get the reward. The reward feels good and we kept doing what others want us to do. Consequently, we start to pretend what we actually are not to please others. Eventually, we become someone that we are not.

This is why the writer says, Death is not the biggest fear we have; our biggest fear is taking the risk to be alive - the risk to be alive and express what we really are.

At a certain point, we don't need others to domesticate us. The agreements are so strong that we domesticate ourselves. A 'book of law' was made by the general public that stores all the agreements. Every time if something goes against those agreements, we judge ourselves, we blame ourselves and others. But neither we nor others were responsible for that supposed mistake. Only our actions were responsible. In addition, regardless of whether we accomplish something that causes us to feel better however conflicts with that 'book of law', we judge ourselves and this puts us straightforwardly into hellfire.

Be that as it may, we can wake up. The initial phase to be free is to be aware that we are not free and next, we need to acknowledge the reality of death. At the point when we acknowledge death, we care less about what others might think of us and start to live and express life the way we want.

In order to break shackles, we need to replace some old agreements. At the point when we are finally prepared to change our arrangements, four incredible arrangements will assist us with breaking those arrangements that come from fear and drain our energy.

FIRST AGREEMENT : BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORDS

This implies not to direct negative sentiments toward you or others. Your word is an incredible blessing that comes straightforwardly from GOD. So, stop - Gossiping, Complaining, or Criticizing others. The human mind is too much fertile. At whatever point you state something that thought is planted on your brain and other's minds also. 

So don't judge or blame yourself. Just take responsibility for your action. Tell yourself how wonderful you are, how great you are. Tell how much you love yourself. Use your words to break all those teeny, tiny agreements that make you suffer.

SECOND AGREEMENT: DON'T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY

It is just the opposite of 'being impeccable with your words'. We have absolutely nothing to do with what others say about us. Those are just the projection of their perspective.

Suppose you go to a new school and one of your friends says to you that this teacher is not good, he cannot teach properly. Whether this is the truth or not you will not understand his teaching properly because then you believe he is unable to make you understand.

Let me give you another example: assume, you wake up in the morning and feeling very happy. You feel so wonderful, you stay one or two hours in front of the mirror, making yourself beautiful. Well, one of your friends says, "What happened to you? You look so ugly. Look at the dress you are wearing; you look ridiculous." That's it, this is sufficient to put you right down to hell.

 If you take it personally, this becomes an agreement and you always believe you are ugly.

This agreement makes you a stronger version of yourself. That means you don't have to rely on other's opinions to feel happy or satisfied. Your action should be the same whether someone says something about it or not. So don't let others impose their view of the world on you; their thoughts come from all the programs they received during their domestication.

THIRD AGREEMENT: DON'T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS

From Don Miguel's perspective, assumptions make you suffer. We assume that others see life the way we see, others think the way we think, judge the way we judge. And these are the biggest assumptions that humans make.

Frequently we presume that our partner knows what we want. However, when his/her work doesn't coordinate your assumption, we misunderstand and get vexed/furious.

So the writer suggests to make the communication clear by asking questions. If you don't understand ask. Have the courage to ask questions until you are clear as you can be.

FOURTH AGREEMENT: ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST

No one abuses us more than we abuse ourselves. By doing our best under any circumstances we can get rid of self-judgment and self-punishment. 

But we have to remember, our best is not always going to be the same. It will vary by situation. Our best will be different when we are healthy as opposed to sick.

Let me give you an example. Suppose I am an average football player at a Club. For the next match, player selection is going on and you ask the coach if you can be the captain or not? 

The coach answered "NO". 

You try to implement the 3 agreements.

Firstly, You didn't say anything negative to you or the coach. So, you were impeccable with your words. 

Secondly, You didn't take anything personally. The coach may have other choices that fulfill his acceptance criteria. 

Thirdly, You didn't make assumptions that is he going to make you the captain or not. You simply asked him.

This way you did your best in that situation as a means to an end. Therefore, you don't regret it, you are happy.

If you want to read the book, you can buy it from here.